Because I am. And I'm angry at myself for being this depressed, even though I know that without the whole SexGod thing I would probably have collapsed in a sobbing puddle earlier.

I feel like I'm not allowed to be sad anymore. That being sad is for losers and desperate people, and despairing is for failures and the lazy and the melodramatic. I have things to do. I have years and years of coping skills. I don't have time for depression. Yet at the same time I just want to drink and cry and sleep all day until the world calms down and I stop hurting. My friends in town are helpful and supportive, but I don't know what I need or how they can support me. I want to be by myself. I want to be with people. I want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about it. I want to push myself through it and I want to lie down and let it take me. I don't know what to do, and it's driving me crazy.