I went out to dinner with a mentor tonight. Her sister, who I had never met before today, dined with us. At the end of dinner, the sister looked at my plate (which had about 1/3 of the dish uneaten) and said I must not have liked it. I said I did, I just was full. My mentor said that I was a light eater. The sister said, “Oh, so you eat a little bit of this and a little bit of that all day.” I just looked at her stunned because she was implying I basically grazed all day. Why does it matter how much I eat and why is it her business and why is this an okay topic of conversation? And FWIW - I don’t graze all day.

I spent many years starving myself alternating with bulimic behaviors. I was so unhealthy - and was screwing up my body and my metabolism. I don’t do that anymore. I generally eat far more healthily now than I ever have - even when I was much thinner.

I’m uncomfortable with my weight. I have gained a lot during the last few very stressful and rough years. Before I moved to NYC, I had been running on my treadmill every day and eating really well. That fell apart when I moved here bc I had to get rid of my treadmill - and because there are so many new and tasty things to eat! Plus, I have struggled to get into any kinds of routines. I want to get back to healthier eating and exercising - and I’m sure I will. I want to lose weight before some upcoming trips so that I don’t feel quite so gigantic when we travel around Asia. And I’d like to be lighter in general - it just makes things easier.

But I am also trying to be more comfy with what I look like. Aidy Bryant is my icon in that regard. We are the same size - although I think I am like 4 inches taller than her - and I love her style and think she is adorable. I want to feel as comfortable with myself as she seems to. I want to embrace who I am right now and accept it—it’s not through disgust with myself that I will make changes.

Why am I spending this evening spiraling thinking about all of this? And again - why do people think it is okay to say this kind of stuff. I know the reason - this is rhetorical. People say these things to make them feel better about themselves. I know that.

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Pictures of super cute outfits for your trouble.

I have this dress

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Wish I hadn’t gotten rid of my tall boots when I moved to NYC

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