I’m picking a fight with boobieguy because I’m miserable and he has no idea. Someone please stop me.

As I’ve already complained about many times I get sick a lot. (I’m trying to figure out why and when I see my GP next I’m going to demand more thorough research because this shit is insane)
Right now it’s a darling combination of a bladder infection (that almost turned to kidney - last day of antibiotics now yay), a supposed inflamed oesophagus and associated heartburn (meds and diet for 6 weeks woot) with a killer headache on top. I’ve worked for a whopping one and a half days since I returned from vacation (which was both amazing and a total disaster) and been homebound for 6 days.

Boobieguy has been a total sweetheart. Checking up on me on the regular, reminding me to take it easy (since I tend to GO as soon as I can so much as crawl again, instantly overdoing it and crashing) and that my body is weak because it’s doing all the battles all at once and that that’s okay, I just need to have patience and not rush things. Bought me nice food and some magazines so that I’ll stay off my laptop. I was getting much better but then this morning after having been up for an hour I crashed right back.

I’m pretty much going crazy. Talking to my roommate (who is stircrazy because he is bored) feels like overload after 2 minutes. I’m going nuts from sitting in my goddang room all day in the dark. I spent an hour crying while BG was trying to cheer me up (he didnt know that I was crying..) and tell me to not be so hard on myself and go into that dark spiral but to no avail. He was just so silverliningy I couldn’t handle it. He said he would come over tonight but the weather is lovely and he was having a beer with his band so I told him to stay. I know he’ll face-time me later and I’ll decline. The poor bastard won’t know why and he’ll worry.
And I’ll be sitting here stewing on my own self-loathing, while I remember the few minor times he disappointed me (he ate the vacation snack with my name on it by himself on the train today which we were supposed to eat together! and other such nonsense) and being just a downright bitch. We’ve never had a fight before and I don’t know how we’d come back from that. And I’m just pushing him as far away as I can because I’m wallowing. Damn me.

Someone help me not be such a wretched person to what amounts to the sweetest guy in the world. My mind goes to some far too dark places when I’m miserable. Bad brain. Bad bad bad.

UPDATE: He just showed up unannounced and I couldn’t be happier. He said I sounded unhappy and said and he was passing by me on his way home so he thought he’d drop by and see how I was doing. Snow, meet sun.