My mail lady arrives at the same time every day. Said time has passed, significantly, and no mail lady. Do you know why? I bet you do... because mail should have money in it today. Money I'd very much like to receive, deposit, and spenddddddd. (It was "found" money, which makes it even cooler.)

Also, said money is going to arrive via certified mail, so I have to sign for it. And guess what? (more hypotheticals, Aunt K, please!)... I have to leave in 20 minutes. I'm going to be pissed, because you know she'll arrive when I'm gone.

ETA: She arrived when I was gone, I literally chased her down, and nooooooooooooo! No check. I'll have vodka, please.