When I was younger, I got picked on by my 2 older sisters a lot. My sisters and I hadn't all been together in probably over 2 years, and honestly, I did not mind. That sounds horrible, that I don't miss my sisters, but I really don't miss them. I could go another 2 years without being around them and I wouldn't mind. It's not that I don't love my family, I just don't like them very much.
There's this tired old trope that the youngest child is the "baby" that they get all the attention or that everyone loves them most. That's a lie. Whoever made that shit up is a fucking asshole. Being the youngest means that not only do my parents get to tell me what to do, but I also have two older, entitled bitches telling me what to do on top of that.
I NEVER got to do something first. I had ask permission to play with my own toys. I never got to choose what channel we were watching or what restaurant we would go to. And I had to sit in the middle seat all the time. I never complained. I never fought back. I always compromised. I always let other people have their way and I never questioned it. They were older than me, so they got to have things and I did not.
I would have jumped off the edge of a cliff if one of my sisters told me to. They scared me. My parents said that I was a shy child. I wasn't necessarily shy, I was terrified. My sisters were mean. They would hit me or threaten me if I didn't do what they said. They were bigger than me and I was a really small kid. And even if they weren't intimidating, I just wanted people to like me. I just wanted them to stop hating me. I didn't want them to be mad at me so if that meant I had to give something up, then I would. A toy is no fun if you are constantly afraid that someone is going to grab it from you and hurt you for having it.
When I had gotten a little older, the bullying changed, but it was the same old crap. If my sister liked *NSYNC or the Spice Girls or something, it was their thing and I was not allowed to like them. My one sister played soccer and I was not allowed to like soccer. Now I irrationally hate soccer. I had to mentally block an entire sport because of my sister. Because it was her thing. That's fucked up.
And the funny thing is, I always let them have their way, and yet i was always being told that I was ungrateful, a brat, rude, mean, too quiet, too shy, too loud, too obnoxious, too annoying. And I was always trying to stay out of their way. I didn't try to pick fights, yet I feel like I was always being yelled at.
I'm jealous of people who can say that they are close with their sisters because I'm not. I've been harboring way too much resentment to form any kind of special sisterly bond now. My oldest sister tries. She thinks we're close. She tries to share interests but honestly that's pretty rich considering she wouldn't allow me to listen to certain boy bands or wear certain clothes because they were *her thing* She's four years older than me and when she was a teenager, she was mean and moody and made my life miserable. And my other sister was pushy and bossy and would tell me what to do and hurt me if I didn't.
Because of them, I allow people to take advantage of me. Because I convinced myself at a young age, that if I just do what I'm told, I wont get hurt. I have a hard time standing up for myself and even when I do nothing, I'm told that I'm mean and negative and that people don't like me. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to please people, I'm not good enough. I don't know how to like my sisters if I've always felt like I'm not good enough for them.