A not-so-long time ago, I had a VERY SERIOUS boyfriend who I was almost certain would ask me to marry him. I would have said yes. As these things sometimes go, he didn't. Instead, he broke up with me and asked me to move out. I did.

He is a big fan of HIMYM. He associates himself with Ted.

In the unfolding of our relationship, he, at various points, said he was dissatisfied with our sex life (a fair point, it was kinda crap for a long while), upset that I wasn't sure if I wanted children (even though he had never brought up the idea before), and put off by my lack of big declarations of undying love (I've heard that I emote subtly, and I do). All of these various points were in the two weeks preceding our collapse. At these various revelations, I at first heartily desired a compromise, a reconciliation, a fixing. Later, when it became clear that he did not want to fix, but instead, to trash, I became angry and more than that, mournful. I spent a good six months nursing myself back to normalcy. The collapse of this relationship has lingered for nearly two years, making me unwilling to enter another.

With time, I've realized that he thought (and still thinks) that he wanted a very serious relationship, but that he was not, and is not, mature enough. I've also realized that I was probably not mature enough either. I've since refocused on figuring out my career. I've realized I won't be ready to pursue a very serious relationship until I feel secure enough in my future to do without one.

On a very deep level, I hate my ex. We are now friends of sorts, but I think some small part of me will always spitefully wish him ill. And I do not do that. I am not a person who holds grudges. If I have a general sense of even neutral feelings from another person, I will assume the best. I will forgive time and time again. But this man. This man evokes twin sensations of deep hatred and trepidatious affection. And those feelings are evoked anytime I happen to see even a few seconds of HIMYM.

I so heavily associate Ted with this fellow that I cannot see anything related without seething rage and deep sadness. And so, I do not care who the mother is. I will not care. Ted sucks, and I want him to flounder about in dead-end relationships until he dies.

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On a positive note, I still love Willow.