This is a fairly long and extremely boring rant, but being a dog-loving adult is hard and Petco just made it harder and I need somewhere to vent and weep.

I never shop at Petco, but today my roommates needed to go shopping for boring things and it was the closest interesting building nearby, so I went in. I said hi to the turtles and pretended I was shopping for little fish castles so I could admire them, and I was about to go on my merry way when I saw Star Wars-stamped dog treats.

I like Star Wars. I like dogs. I couldn’t resist. They had little Yodas on them!! Tiny R2s!!!!

Anyway, I get home and I realize I didn’t look at the ingredients list, so off I go calling customer service just to make sure they don’t have eggs in them (one of my pups can’t eat eggs. No biggie). And I’m happily coasting along with the customer service rep through rolled oats and flour and sugar until she says “dehydrated onion.” And, you know, onions are bad for dogs. She says they wouldn’t sell food dogs can’t eat, but.....

So now here I am, with 1/4 pound of little Star Wars stamped dog treats, and I cannot give them to any dogs because I don’t want to poison the little loved ones. All I wanted was to make puns about my dogs chewing on Chewie. I have been denied this great pleasure.

Sigh.