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why the holidays are rough

* My friend just wrote that's she's just crazy this time of year with all the parties and social engagements. My other friend is telling me about one party about another. Her work parties, his work parties, party party!

And then there is me. I have no parties. My work didn't have a party. The people I know here (where I've just moved) didn't have any parties, as far as I know. I'm driving halfway across the country to see my mother for Christmas. There will be no parties there either, because the one friend I have in the area has kids.

I will and never have been the kind of person whose social life was a whirl. Mostly I'm fine being alone and I'm alone 90 percent of the time. Some of it is life, some of it is that I'm an awkward motherfucker and always have been.


So I will just sit here in awkward silence while you tell me about all your social engagements. I will not tell you how lonely I am, or how it'd be nice to be invited along. I'm happy for you that you have a partner, a super close group of friends, tons of invites and cards on the shelf. I am.

Just somewhere, somewhere, I hope it registers that this time of year is awfully hard and lonely and depressing for many of us.

Signed, Waiting for spring.

* I'm writing this just to say it aloud. I'm not looking for a magic wand or a fairy godmother to fix the fact that I'm socially awkward. It just is what it is. I know I'm not the only one who struggles this time of year but I feel like it's forbidden to say it.

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