Ladies, gentlemen, bears, cats, dogs, and everyone else of GroupThink, it is time for me to confess. I have a superpower.
I have not yet learned to use this superpower for good. It is a great, terrible power that I cannot harness, control, or even scold into submission.
I can break vacuum cleaners... with my hair. My hair is too voluminous, too plentiful, too ... it's awful, okay? My hair is the worst. The absolute freaking WORST! I won't cut it short because [insert complicated self-esteem issues here]. So it's long and there's tons of it and it falls out all over the place. I shed worse than the dogs.
I am going to be in so much crap that it has happened again. Although the repair people at Sears are sure going to be happy to take our money! AGAIN.
Listen, if nobody hears from me for the rest of the day, send a search party. (This is a joke. Nobody's gonna hurt me. I'm just going to feel really, really bad and hide for the rest of the day.)