I am still reading the responses from my confidence post, and trying to forget my near mental breakdown at the mall. Just want to update that, so far today, I have been, well, ok.

I find that a new wardrobe helps a bit. I’ve also found that if I say to myself that I need this job through the holidays, and I’m lucky to have it, I at least feel focused.

While there have been some fuckups on my part-that I own completely-I am crossing my fingers that at least by the end of today I don’t have a panic attack. I had a two day long one, and that sucked. I almost emailed my doctors, one about whether I should go on a beta blocker, and if I could have more anti-anxiety meds added to my routine. The other because I was in a bad place.

However, I just grin and bear it. When someone asks how my day is going, I grin and say it’s like everyday-wonderful. Is that a lie? To some extent. But I have to stay positive, and believe it is a wonderful day. I’m lucky. I’m discouraged sometimes, but I’m lucky.

Thanks everyone, for all the help and advice.