I don't even know where to begin except to say I cannot believe this is my life. We went to my mom's house this weekend for Easter. My husband and I had been getting along better, mostly because I was still doing what I wanted to do. Sunday morning I had kind of a break down where I was depressed and angry that my husband couldn't see where I was coming from. I wanted some time to myself to process and get myself out of the funk (hopefully). My husband can tell right away something is wrong and immediately begins prying. I ask him to be left alone for a little bit but he keeps pushing me. Finally I snap "I'm mad at you because you don't understand me wanting to have sex with other people." He lost it. And at first I lost it too. We screamed at each other, my mom initially took peep away and distracted her so she wouldn't be subjected to our awfulness.
At one point he got so disgusted with me he slammed the door and left me in the room alone. I could hear him ranting to my mom though. He told her almost everything, that I was unhappy with our sex life, that I wanted to sleep with other people and I wanted to leave him and peep. A couple especially awful things he said and did: he told my mom about some friends with open relationships I had mentioned to him and said nasty things about them and he said in regards to me "I hope she gets herpes."
Meanwhile I just continue to try and tell him I love you. I can still love you and want to have sex with other people. That only made him angrier. He takes it SO personally and yeah I get that but he needs to be a goddam adult about this now. It's not new and shocking to him anymore. My mom bless her had no clue what to do so she called my dad. She put him on speaker and he began to try and talk down my husband. Didn't work. Next thing I know my husband is telling my father some very INTIMATE details of some of the problems with sex we've been having. Talk about completely mortified. I start crying into my mom's shoulder, apologizing over and over that this is going down in the middle of her house on Easter morning. Finally my dad cuts him off and firmly tells him "Bud, it's REALLY inappropriate to be discussing this with you wife's parents. You gotta stop and think before you do this kind of thing." I think that finally brought my husband back to reality.
My mom and I convinced him to stay for Easter dinner. I'm not really sure why but it seemed like the right thing to do. We made the two hour drive home, mostly in silence. The last half hour he tried to make me tell him if I wanted to leave or not. I told him the truth. I don't know. I have a lot think about and I don't want to make a decision now. This sparked another argument. He was going to sleep at his mom's house but by the time we got home, the car unloaded, and peep fed, bathed and put to bed I was too exhausted to want to continue the fight. We went to bed like everything was fine.
I can't stay with someone like this, can I? I mean I'm so horrified by what happened yesterday. I didn't feel fear that he was going to lose me; I felt hatred that I would ruin his perfect family. I see my therapist today and I promise I will tell him exactly what happened and how I feel. I used to know there was a lot worth saving in our relationship but I don't see it anymore.
ETA- Links to past posts: