I just got my order of Corn Huskers Heavy Duty Hand Treatment in the mail ($17.59 for a pack of six off Amazon and free Prime shipping!) and I think my life has been changed.

Things to note about me:

1. I am a pole dancer and aerialist. This means I spend a lot of time swinging around by my hands, arms, and legs and the last thing I want to be is a greasy mess. Nothing more pathetic than to watch me try to climb up on a pole and then slowly slide down because I am more greased up than a something delicious covered in bacon (Burgers? Rice Krispie bars? Everything?) .

2. I handle papers all day, which means any natural body oils I retain in my hands is probably lost on a ton of documents. You're welcome, sales department, that one's on me!

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3. I hand wash my dishes because I live in the dark ages. I also hate using gloves to clean, because one of my most hated things is not being able to feel how squeaky clean something is through giant rubber gloves.

4. I live in the midwest, where winter is already settling in and I am halfway through stick of lip balm just to keep my lips from cracking.

Thus, on the suggestion of other pole dancers, weight lifters, and mechanics, I decided to seek out Corn Huskers Lotion. I figured I stop at Target on my way home and pick up a bottle. Apparently, Target doesn't carry it. Then I stopped at the Walgreens near me, they didn't carry it either. Rumors on the internets tell me you can also find it at Walmart, but I don't live near a Walmart. So I decided I may has well buy it off of Amazon because I buy everything off of Amazon.

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First thoughts:

It smells like baby powder, but it's not an overwhelming smell. But if you hate the smell of baby powder, there aren't any real alternatives. It has a gel like texture, which is weird. In fact, when I rubbed it in it got a little tacky like... well, I was afraid I just bought a bulk order of splooge. I'm crass, I apologize.

But give it a couple of second to seep into the skin! It moisturizes incredibly well, and all of the ashy white cracks in my skin are completely gone. Best of all, zero grease! My hands are still grippy enough to not slide and fall, and they don't ache from being so dry anymore!

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Sorry for what may seem like blatant advertising, but I love this stuff now and I'm feeling a lot better about spending $17 on 42oz of lotion.