Welcome To The Bitchery
Welcome To The Bitchery

Writing and deleting. 4 months, 7 years.

I keep writing this post and deleting it. Basically, it gets waaaaaaaaay to long and simplified.

Abridged version!

I am happy. The happiest I have been in a long time.

I left a bad situation. I loved volunteering and for a while it was good. Then it went bad. It became clear I was getting used and there was no room for growth. I was being gaslight constantly. My words were twisted. My ideas taken and then re-stated as through they were my colleague's (I briefly dated this colleague). I was accused of things I didn't do. And I kept trying to fight for the vision of the group, which despite being our vision, was apparently not the founder's. Basically, we were suppose to all work under one name, so everyone would know us as this organization. The founder did not, and so everyone thought he was the only member thus fucking over everyone else. There are more things, but it's a long list. When I'd fight for inclusion, I'd get burned. I'm a moronic altruist, that believed things should be fair and we should help each other to work towards our goal.


Basically the entire situation started to look like my 7 year long first relationship which was in a nutshell emotionally abusive. It escalated to a point that I don't like to talk about. Working with the founder became like a mirror of my ex relationship.

I mulled over leaving for months. I thought I was overreacting. I couldn't trust anything I thought, because I had been trained to ignore all my senses. Years of gaslighting did that to me.

I took a bold step and talked to people I trusted. People who knew me, people who supported me when I got away from my ex. As I spoke to them about everything that was happening and they agreed it was bad, and I started to see, it was bad. I wasn't crazy.

So I resigned. I used a form letter. I felt so proud of myself, because it didn't take 7 years this time. Only 4 months of bad treatment. Even though it hurt, I'm proud I saw the signs this time and I talked about them.

Once I committed to leaving I slept so well. The pain that clutched my face was gone. I felt lighter. This time I got out before someone took a shit in my heart. I'm proud, because it means I can learn to trust myself again.

One of the other volunteers wrote me to explain they felt the same way, and we are going to do the same work together without the founder. It will be modest, but it will be a safe environment.

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