What people tell us when we’re young is hard to get over.
For reference this post:
So we went on the date. I was so anxious that I left WAY too early and had to sit in the subway station and let a few trains go by so that I didn’t arrive 30 minutes early...
We went to see a comedy show and when I met him outside the club, this feeling of “this is going to be just fine” kinda washed over me and I was able to enjoy the night. He is not some super hot adonis, but a regular looking guy who, like I said in comments to the last posts, just hits all the right notes for me.
I think that the crux of the issue is explained in this comment that I left in the previous post
My mother would also routinely insinuate that if I was, essentially, myself (direct, a little loud, opinionated and swore too much) that men would never like me or want to marry me. I think many of us get this kind of messaging as young women and it can be really damaging. It took me until college to understand that my *friends* (forget boyfriends) loved me just as I was, and that I didn’t need to change simply in order to be liked by my friends. I felt that I couldn’t be myself as a kid and that no one would like me all the way throughout high school for varying reasons: definitely those messages from my Mom didn’t help, but being a precocious and bright little girl who spoke out a lot wasn’t always well accepted by a lot of my teachers. Sigh...
At least this date went well! The comedians were pretty funny and the date itself lasted almost 5 hours, with just a bunch of drinks and chatting about everything and nothing (it ended mostly because we had to catch the subway before it stopped running). Oh man, but the kisses at the end were so awkward (*laugh-cry*)! They were just a succession of short little kisses - I think he was trying to not keep me because my train was coming - he sent me a text right after saying “I made you miss your train...” to which I replied that it had been worth it ;-) (it was no big deal missing my train, I caught the next one 5 minutes later...)
Anyway, hopefully I’ll see him again...hopefully the kissing will be less awkward :-P