EDIT: Send me entertaining things so I have funny things to distract me during this awful party!
I'm not going to go into detail, because I'm not entirely unconvinced that this person doesn't read Jezebel/Groupthink, but I just need you all to know that, no matter what you're doing this evening, I'm sure you are having a better evening than I am.
This is what I will be doing all evening:
Making this face to ridiculous things people say:
And then doing this instead of saying anything: