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You guise, I must tell you about my psychologist appointment

I must! I forgot to last night because I was teh drunk.

Before story time, I wanted to quickly explain my sad missing post. I was teh drunk and I came home and remembered how Consort would always want to make sure I got home ok, so then I started missing him hella hard. It came out of nowhere, too! So weird. But then I slept off the drunkerdness and the sads decreased.

So anyway, this psychologist. Oh my god, you guise. The first thing he tells me after I told him I saw a psychiatrist was "why would you go to a psychiatrist? They just want to prescribe you medication and make money." OH. OH YAY. So yes, turns out he's a New Age "don't trust Western doctors" type. Then he tells me that I'm not bipolar, and I asked how he was able to tell after knowing me for 4 minutes and he said it was because he was "just that good at what he does." He asked if I ever had a manic episode, and I said yes and told him about it and he was like "no no, that's just a panic attack/anxiety." I was unaware that panic attacks make you hallucinate and drop $300 at the bar in 3 hours! THE MORE YOU KNOW.


I told him about my thyroid and sickness that is potentially associated with it and he believes that it is all due to my anxiety. The anxiety that most likely is coming from my thyroid, but he is convinced that it is not and it is from my brainz and that is what it causing all of my stomach problems and such. I can understand that to a degree as physical issues can often be manifestations of psychological troubles, but to say that is the one and only cause? Hmm. So we get to talking about my childhood and such and I tell him how my father was abusive but I only know this from second hand accounts as I actually do not remember it. First he tried to be like "so how do you know it's true?" and then I told him that I don't because I literally do not remember my life up until about 10, and then he was like "oh wow you suffered some intense trauma to have blocked out 10 years of your life." And he feels that I need to remember what that trauma was in order to process and work through it. I am unsure how I feel about this, but ok.

Then we discussed my stepdad and my mom and such and he was oddly into the concept of me hating my mom. I told him that yeah when I was fucking 12 years old I was all "oi fuck my mom for being with this new strange person who I don't like!" but I WAS TWELVE. Now that I'm older I'm pretty forgiving of the situation as my mom is awesome and was trying her best to mediate the situation and once she realized she couldn't she left the dude. So, ya know. It's cool. That if anything I have resentment towards my stepdad because he's an asshole but I don't hate my mom as now that I'm older I can look at the situation more objectively and I know she was trying her best. But he was basically like it's ok to be angry at my mom and just wasn't having it that I really wasn't angry at her. So weird!

Then we moved on to my father, and the psychologist was hella sympathetic towards him! He was like "aww the poor guy is alone and everyone gave up on him." YEAH CUZ HE'S AN ABUSIVE ASSHOLE. No one fucking "gave up" on my father, he worked really hard to push everyone as far away from him as possible. My mom stayed with him for like 12 years and tried to push him to get help, the hell was she supposed to do? And this guy even suggested perhaps attempting to bring my father into the sessions! Ha, no. Let's not do that. And then he asked "oh do you ever feel guilty that you don't speak to him more or call more?" Uh, should I?

Oh I must also mention that he told me he almost got his own TV show and also spent time in a Buddhist monastery. And his office smelled oddly like popcorn.


So since I'm more interested than anything else, I totally did make an appointment for next week. I just need to know how exactly he plans on getting me to remember things. He feels I need to remember whatever I'm suppressing in order to work through it, which in theory sounds like a good concept but in reality I don't think it's a good idea. BUT I MUST KNOW. But if I roll in there and he wants to hypnotize me or some shit I'm just walking out. I ain't about that type of "therapy."

I mean, if underneath the weirdness he wants to try to help me with some behavioral techniques then I'm down, so I'll give him a shot with another session or two. But I think I may need to find a different therapist soon.

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