When people try to offer me solutions for my derpression (I'm calling it derpression now because it's SO STUPID and boring; fuck you derpession). When I say I'm depressed? It's not being in a rut, it's not being sad for a little bit, it's not being complainey or pessimistic. It's a fucking medical condition I've had since I was a child and it can't be cured with puppies or hugs or "a more positive outlook on life" so STFU and listen or GTFO.

Yes, being depressed after a breakup is natural. Feeling lost in your mid-twenties isn't unusual. Being in a creative rut happens to the best of us. But I'm actually fucking bipolar and I actually have anxiety issues for which I will probably be taking medication for the rest of my life. Puppies and whole foods and sunshine do help, of course. They help me remember that I was happy and that I will be again. But they aren't the solution.

I haven't found the solution yet- if I did I wouldn't be here because despite what you may think depression isn't fun or self-serving or indulgent. It's the most aggravating thing. Maybe it's just because I'm depressed, but right now I'm missing manic states because when I'm hypomanic at least I think I'm being productive and brilliant. At least I have hope for the world and myself. At least I have the energy to try.

Maybe the solution is multifaceted; maybe it's understanding that I'll have months like this that I have to accept and plod through and claw my way out of. Maybe this will teach me something about coping skills or triggers or falling for the wrong types of people. Maybe this time I'll learn to write through my pain instead of trying to hide it. Maybe I'll learn nothing and that's okay too as long as I come out of the other side. But whatever it is it can't be fixed in two fucking seconds with an attitude adjustment and a kick in the rear. If it could my therapist is seriously holding out on me.

When I say I'm depressed I mean it. And if you don't want to hear about it don't ask how I'm doing because I'm going to be honest with you. If you prefer the lie, you might as well not fucking ask.


Chew on that, asshats.