So it's day 3 of the world's worst cold(October '13) edition and I'm currently in bed and writing and re-writing my will(No H&S Waffle Iron for you, Cousin Jimmy). I feel like complete and total death, covered in various shades of mucous and have foolishly decided to engage the Deadspin commentariat on the issue of the use of Native imagery as sports mascots so I'm also beyond frustrated with the ignorance and assholery of my fellow sports fan.

So cheer me up, GTers, tell me hilarious drunken stories or amazing sober stories(or cook me Unicorn Burgers, if we're talking impossible nonsense).