- Office wars are waged over things like unauthorized use of tissues brought from home, since your program hasn’t had enough money to provide even the cheapest, most nose-destroying tissues in almost a year.

- You work in a call center and your phone doesn’t even have a goddamn hold button.

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This post brought to you by coming back to my desk to find my stapler empty and most of my fancy Puff Plus Lotion tissues ripped wantonly from their box by an unknown office supply thief.