I am not quite sure how to start this story so I suppose I will just start typing and see how it all comes out....
This morning, I called Mr. Fun at work and asked him if he would like to journey with me to the Farmer's Market to pick up some various fruits for my boss. He agreed and we met outside his office for the short walk to the market. As I arrive, he reaches for my hand and tells me he is glad I called because he wanted to talk to me in person. He tells me his father and he spoke this morning and that with his dad's knee replacement operation coming up Dad wants to talk about Mr. Fun and I having kids and Dad tells him that if we have a kid he will pay Mr. Fun more money (Mr. Fun works with his Dad). At this point I let out the loudest HA!...HA! Literally, that was the noise I made and it sort of echoed down the street, more than one person gave me side eye.
I proceed to start laughing more like a normal person and can't help but say, "So your dad is going to pay us to have a baby???" I am shocked and kind of offended but, really, at this point, I mostly find it humorous. (Not to be too long winded but in the 11 years Mr. Fun and I have been together his mom has made some detrimental remarks about me and has, in the past, implied I am not up to their families’ standard) I mean, who says that? But here is where things kind of go downhill and the following conversation ensues -
Mr. Fun - "I'm not sure why this is funny. He is just trying to be nice. He knows I worry about money and he wanted to assure me that if we have a kid he will raise my pay."
Me - "It's funny because he is paying me to have a baby!" How do you not see the humor and irony in this? Why doesn't he pay your sister to have another baby? Also, if he is offering money for us to have a child then why don't they just buy us a house we like?" I laugh after this because, let's face it that is also ridiculous....
Mr. Fun - "He didn't actually say he would pay us to have a baby. He was more eloquent and stuff, I am repeating in poorly."
Me - "It doesn't matter if he was more eloquent. He is still offering to pay us money to have a kid. That is crazy. Your mom has already called me a gold digger. Could you imagine if I turn up pregnant three months from now? It would just prove her point."
Mr. Fun - "Well, I told him we were already talking about having a kid and will probably start trying after May, but first you have to get off your medicine and stuff. Think of it this way, it's more incentive to stop taking your medication" (This is true, we have discussed this and I am currently reducing my bi-polar meds, with doctor supervision, in order to possibly try to have a child).
Me, starting to get pissed - "Um, no, I don't need some monetary incentive to get off my meds and get pregnant. I can't believe he even said that. It's like he is trying to buy a grandkid from us. I am at least glad you told him we were already talking about this. I don’t want him to think his money is the reason we have a kid. I just think it is weird and inappropriate."
There was some more back and forth dialogue about the topic but I could see Mr. Fun was getting upset and bothered. I had somehow hurt his feelings. He kept insisting his dad was really just coming from a good place and it wasn’t said to him how he’d repeated it to me. I try to apologize for laughing and hurting Mr. Fun's feelings but he is too upset and can't really accept my apology.
I really do find it sort of offensive that he is offering to pay my husband more money if we have a baby. I do know that he will not withhold any raises that are earned on merit but I find it odd that he will pay him more money, regardless of his current pay, if we have a child. I just find it wrong somehow. It smacks of patriarchy and privilege and just, ugh, I don't know, elitism? Like I am a commodity to produce a child and if he pays enough I will have one? I suppose more of my problem is that Mr. Fun doesn't see the problem and weirdness in this proposal....
After this happened, I called my mom to discuss the above situation. She also did not understand why I would find it demeaning. I'm like "Mom, he is paying me to get pregnant and that is gross". She, like Mr. Fun, said I was taking it the wrong way....
So, I guess to wrap this up, my questions to you GT are as follows....Am I overreacting? Is Mr. Fun's dad just trying to eliminate one of the stressors (money) couples face when discussing having a child?
I have to go home in a couple of hours and need to know exactly how apologetic I should be for laughing or if I should be apologetic at all.
EDIT - I want to thank you all for your responses. The things you all pointed out helped me a lot. Tonight I am going to do the following
1.) Apologize to Mr. Fun for laughing in his face and explain that I thought we were having a "Guess what my crazy parent said" conversation (those are not uncommon in our house)
2.) Let Mr. Fun know that I am sure that his dad was coming from a place of love. (I am going to give Dad the benefit of the doubt since I wasn't present for the conversation) But that hearing "money" and "baby" together initially freaked me out, especially considering his parents past comments.
3.) Tell him that after having all day to reflect, I understand why he sees this as a positive for us as a family.