First of all, as a precursor to this post:
I am not writing to complain that people are posting riddles about stupid people knocking on your door and making you post giraffe pictures as your profile pic when you get the answer wrong. I'm cool with that. Look. I am a Facebook Libertarian. You have the liberty to post what you will, when you will. It is a free Facebook, where you have the Zuckerberg-given right to do with your Facebook page what you will.
Post pictures of your dogs, your cats, your babies, your car, your lunch, that weird thing you found in between your car seats—whatever! I will defend to the death your right to post crazy, stupid shit all day and all night, as much as you want to your personal Facebook page. If it makes you freaking happy, knock yourself out. You want my Bitstrips? Pry them from my cold dead hands! Don't tread on my Facebook page!
So this isn't about that.
I am writing to express my HOLYSHITWTF-edness at the people who are totally up in arms about other people ruining the giraffe Facebook riddle for them.
Jesus Mary Mother of sweet holy CHRIST. The amount of irate, angry, furious people posting on our FB pages this morning because someone posted 'lol the answer is eyes duh' when we asked people 'have you seen this going around Facebook.'
We have had angry threads about Obamacare, abortion, Wendy Davis, guns, gay rights, who has the best barbecue in Texas, stray animals, the government shutdown and a heated thread about whether or not 'Carrie Underwood sucks.' (Consensus? She does not.)
But holy shit, I have never seen anything like this.
We posted a link to our Facebook with something like 'click here if you want to know the answer to that riddle' or some bullshit. I dunno; I didn't write it, one of my awesome writers slaving over a hot blog did. The very first comment was 'Thanks for the spoiler alert, jerks.'
Now, forgive me for being a little pedantic here—but wouldn't 'click here if you want to know' sort of be pretty much exactly the fucking same as a 'SPOILER ALERT'?
Well, I guess not, because behold a sampling of the comments from this morning:
"You've ruined this for everyone, asshole."
Ruined what? A meme on Facebook? Were you making your vacation plans around this?
"This is disgusting, you should be ashamed of yourself."
As opposed to being ashamed of yourself for becoming irate about a giraffe-related Facebook meme?
"I will never read this blog again [Burt's Note: Oh thank gawd, one less of them I have to deal with]. You have destroyed this for everyone."
First of all, we only have like 5-6,000 Facebook fans, so clearly not everyone. Second of all, who in the hell are the people that are so wrapped up in this dumb riddle? How have we 'destroyed this'? Did you just create an endowment in your will to the Giraffe Riddle Research Foundation? Did our posting this suddenly render your legacy worthless, and now you have to go back to be remembered as the person who came up with the most answers in to the'Name A Fruit or Vegetable That Starts With A' meme? Seriously, what the fuck?
I believe this moment in social media history will be forever referred to as the 'jumping of the shark,' for Facebook. It's one of those things you expect is going to be kind of silly and fun and then it just turns sour and awful and you realize that everyone participating just seems like the people who stay waaaaaaay too late at the kegger at your dorm room and are now just keeping everyone up who has class the next day.
Anyway, that's all from me for now, Burt, aka Ruiner Of Facebook Memes. Oh, before I go—please post your best 'Fuck You Giraffe's in the comments below. Or, cute adorable baby giraffes. Or gifs of giraffes just being normal giraffes. Whatever you got. Thanks.