This is a really long vent. I will tl;dr it for you here: I have medical stuff going on and my family is being completely self-centered about it.
I've had a lot of weird medical stuff for the past six months. It's bad enough that I have to travel to a specialty center. My family is driving me insane and I just have to say it out loud.
My mother is flying in to be with me, which is very nice of her. But she keeps complaining about the flight cost (which I have offered to pay multiple times) and driving me crazy about the return flight. I don't know. It should be X, but, if I have cancer or something goes wrong, it's going to be longer. I just don't know. Make the return date and hopefully, things will be fine.
My brother has said nothing. I called him yesterday. Didn't return my call. Didn't return my email either. No .. is there anything I can do? Nothing.
My sister is the worst, if only because she has given me the "you're alone, so I'll be there for you if something goes wrong" speech. Plus, I had just offered to come in when she has foot surgery this summer and run errands and babysit - even though she has a husband and works from home.
She was supposed to fly in a day early for a wedding and I was supposed to meet her. But now I might be in the hospital. This is the worst tragedy ever - for her.
This is the same girl who when they thought I had shingles said "I don't mean to be mean, but what do you have to be stressed about?" Now she has a hard life in some ways, but just because I don't have a kids and husband doesn't mean I'm dancing around with unicorns and rainbows.
I'm waiting for all the specialists to coordinate their schedules. She keeps emailing me.. well WHEN do you think they'll get back to you? When are they saying they'll get back to you? I don't know! I cannot nag the doctors! Seriously!
Me: They say they'll get back to me later today.. My sister: Well I hope there is a flight open so I can change!
I finally said.. I think you MEANT to say "jeeze, this must be really scary and upsetting for you. How are you doing? " And she said "well, I don't know why you didn't call me about this immediately if you knew I might have to change plans."
Because your travel plans aren't my first priority when scheduling invasive surgery? Because I didn't know when I'd be going in so there might not have been a need to change your plans?
I mention this to my mother, who then yelled at me that I was overreacting and why was I mad about this, because I have enough on my plate.
Why am I upset? Because I'm not married and I don't have anyone to have my back? And I don't have kids. It would be nice to feel like my sister and brother gave a flying damn? It's like yeah, yeah, I love you as long as I don't have to think about you or make any effort to be caring. Yes, I know it's been going on forever. I know you're sick of hearing about it. I'm sick of living it.
And no, I don't have friends who can fly in and be with me. None of them even offered, mostly because they knew my mom was going. I think.
Honestly, part of me just kind of wishes that I would die and this would all be over. I'm so tired of all this. I just hate having to have to depend on anyone else for kindness, ever.
I will now stop feeling sorry for myself. Thank you.