Hell just froze over. I, who had no idea how to use my stove until two months ago, cooked. And it was good.
What you are looking at, my friends, is a black bean burger, with Thai inspired slaw (No mayo, because I hate mayo, thank goodness the recipe doesn't call for it), between two slices of homemade bread. Next to it is a rum and coke, which is the only thing I didn't make. Because I don't want a soda stream and I don't want to ferment anything.
It was tasty. I have more of the burger base (?) for the week, and chopped up the slaw to the point where it counts as toppings. But I may try it with Ketchup mixed with barbecue seasoning.
Fuck yes, I did it!
Edit: Bread recipe:
Original size: 2
Desired size: 1
*Original recipe divided by 2
*Recipe rounded to nearest cooking fraction
2 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 tablespoons sugar
1 envelopes RapidRise Yeast
1 teaspoons salt
3/4 cups water
1/4 cup milk
1 tablespoons butter
Combine 1 1/4 cups flour, sugar, undissolved yeast and salt in large mixer bowl. Heat water, milk and butter until very warm (When you can flick it on your arm with a wooden spoon and it feels hot). Gradually add mixture to dry ingredients; beat 2 minutes at medium speed of electric mixer (I don't have one, and a wooden spoon and elbow grease works just fine), scraping bowl occasionally. Add 1/4 cup flour; beat (You can still use the wooden spoon until smooth-ish) 2 minutes at high speed, scraping bowl occasionally. (Minutes don't matter, eyeball it).
With spoon, stir in enough remaining flour to make soft dough. Knead on lightly floured surface until smooth and elastic, about 8 to 10 minutes. (8 minutes works for me!).
Cover and let dough rest 10 minutes.
Roll each half into a 12 x 7-inch rectangle. Beginning at short end, roll up tightly as for jelly roll. Pinch seam and ends to seal. Place, side down in greased 8-1/2 x 4-1/2 inch loaf pan. Cover; let rise in warm, draft-free place until doubled in size, about 1 to 1-1/2 hours. Bake at 400°F for 30 minutes. Bread is done when well browned and sounds hollow when top of loaf is tapped lightly with finger tip. Remove from pans to cool.